Extract from Michael Mitchell's translation

Werner Schwab's THE ROUND OF PLEASURE after The Round Dance from the pen of the PLEASANT MR ARTHUR SCHNITZLER


All the male characters have screw-off sexual organs

All the female characters have interchangeable female screws for wombs


The tendentious setting is the prerequisite for an extensive gathering


THE unspeakable language should be shot at dawn by A language


Vienna, outskirts of the city

PROSTITUTE Hey, you gorgeous set of wheels, you, how do you fancy doing something on me with that lonely bodywork of yours this evening?

EXECUTIVE I'm not a gorgeous set of wheels, I'm an executive, the genuine article. I've got a good position, and I'm too young and too slim and too fully fulfilled in my work, for me even to think of having to have to go and make a payment for the jokes you get in sex.

PROSTITUTE But a cute executive with a good position doesn't have to go to an expense for the exciting pleasure he can give us women. A handsome executor almost gets paid himself when he expends his energy.

EXECUTIVE What, your ass and all the holes in it's going free?

PROSTITUTE The rapture of lust pays its dues to the world. It's lust that does the paying-off for the man who tumbles from the peak of pleasure into the valley of debt.

EXECUTIVE Yeah, well, that's true right up to me. After all, I'm not even married to me, so I'm still free for such a significant experience. And I'm young, of course, and well built up …

PROSTITUTE Now you must try to keep your history back behind your sphincter. A lustful act never has a past.

She goes up to him, opens his zipper and starts to fellate him. Then she stands up and walks away from him, sucking at his plastic member as she does so. He keeps squirming and writhing until it is over and he is bent double. The prostitute comes back to him and stuffs his thing back into his open fly. He gives a groan.

PROSTITUTE Well now, my executive boy, with a little mousetail of a cock like yours that nourishing number will cost you a hundred bucks.

EXECUTIVE Whaat! You greedy bitch! You've just made a whole life spill out of me and now you want paying for the sex-crime you committed against me!?

PROSTITUTE shakes her fist at Heaven and addresses her next remarks upward to God, you really are a fire-arsed devil, just like Satan. That's another mini-pricked megalomaniac you've shat out at my stiletto heels. to the Executive You put-up moron, you don't imagine unless there was money in it I'd suck off your earthworm just because I felt horny. It's stand-up practice, you putrid swine. They're just dirty pictures I sell to your mind’s eye that it’s all free for the right payment. It's the patter I have for every prick, that he's too handsome to have to pay for it. But at the end most of them know automatically it comes to money, only you seem to belong to that tiny band of idiots who take their runt of a prick seriously.

EXECUTIVE flabbergasted  It's lies that earn most money nowadays. It's lies sending the automobile of humanity hurtling down into the abyss. It's lies that cast a pall over human-to-human relationships.

PROSTITUTE Come on, relieve those fast pants of yours of a hundred bucks then you can get the hell out.

EXECUTIVE rushes over and grabs her by the neck  Pay off a whore's whorish flesh with my own healthy self, huh? Support good-for-nothing good-for-nothings, huh? Pay out money to a human lavatory pan, huh? I'd rather slip a quiet donation down to Africa or get on good terms financially with church charities before shelling out to put a gold collar all round your hole.  gives her a shove so she falls down, then goes off

PROSTITUTE gasping for breath Charitable assfucker, hundred-per-cent niggercocksucker. Your paraplegic prick will soon be telling you another story … the one about Snowwhite's last leprous dwarf …